The back half of today was rough. Long homework, dinner plans disrupted, fighting and tired kids, too much clutter piled everywhere. I lost my temper more than a few times. We were very late to start the shower and bedtime routine and by the time I got all the kids tucked in finally, it was 9pm and I was D.O.N.E. Stick a fork in me. All I wanted was to go to bed but I still had a lengthy to-do list of stuff that still needed to be accomplished tonight. I had a few false starts of heading downstairs just to be called back up for a few extra requests from each child. Finally- FINALLY I made it down the steps and I was already going through my mental list when I heard a little voice.
“Mommy? Can you come lay with me?”
I’m going to be completely honest here- my first instinct was to lose my mind. I was feeling pulled in so many directions, I felt so exhausted, and this was surely the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. I wanted to say no, I wanted to scream in frustration, I wanted to go hide under my covers and start over tomorrow. But I looked up at my youngest, standing by the top of the steps in her pink Shimmer and Shine nightgown. She was looking down at me with her big brown eyes, her fingers curled together, her hair still slightly damp from the rushed bath. She looked so small and so big, all at the same time. She’s growing so fast.
I knew my list wasn’t the big deal I was making it out to be. I knew my stresses and anxieties of the day didn’t make sense to her. And most importantly, I knew I wouldn’t have much longer of her wanting her Mom to lay on the floor with her while she falls asleep.
So, up the stairs I went, trying to smash down my anxiety, to suppress my horrible mood. I laid out on the floor, the same floor I angry-cleaned 20 minutes prior, and watched her as she snuggled down into her covers with contentment and fell asleep.
My priorities are skewed. The pressure and anxieties I put on myself is purely that- I do it to myself. These beautiful, frustrating, loving, amazing kids are what really matters, and sometimes I need a smack in the face like this to realize it. To put me back on the right path.
Here’s the rest of the week- full stories are on instagram.